Twitter favourite Faraz Ali better
known as @RazTweets has again been at the centre of controversy in what looks
like a struggle to deal with his new rise to fame. He recently erupted in an
interview which was broadcasted nationally, an interview which he had set up to
set the story straight. Ali quickly changed his tune and became “uncontrollable
and inconsolable” after being questioned by the interviewer regarding
suggestions that after finding fame, Faraz no longer retweeted his followers, who
have been loyal to him from the beginning. The allegations further went on to
claim that Ali now simply acknowledged his followers with a mere ‘favourite’,
akin to a gold star given to a child at school. The worrying incident ended
with a frantic Faraz running out of the room, screaming, “Bonsai! Bonsai! What
about Bonsai?!”, presumably a nod to his lifelong mentor, Nader, who was also
unavailable for comment. A trace of resentment perhaps? “The phone lines are going
crazy!” exclaimed one producer. This is surely going to leave him in hot water,
especially following the rumours which surfaced last week regarding a recent
drug addiction, although these allegations have so far remain unfounded. Watch
this space.
A source close to Ali, simply known to us by his pseudonym, Mullahberg, did concede
to our undercover reporter that the rising superstar was struggling with recent reviews
made by ruthless critics in response to the now infamous ‘Muslim Bae’ tweets,
which catapulted him to stardom following thousands of retweets. Several commentators
called him “an idyot” [sic], no less in CAPSLOCK, others questioning whether he
even has a wife, some radicals condemning him to the depths of hell and one fan
unhesitant in declaring, “not homo but he is cute.”, allegedly resulting in a
very confused Faraz. In an apparent act of damage limitation, Ali released a
statement in the early hours today after calling a press conference, refuting
all rumours. Reporters slammed the star for leaving without answering any questions,
no less to “boos” and cocktailed chants of “We love you Muslim Bae!”, “Dead
Hearts! Dead Hearts! Dead Hearts!”, “Go kill yourself!” and a solitary plea for
attention, “It’s me, it’s me, no homo, it’s me.”
Faraz first came into the
limelight as an internationally recognised director with his box office hit, ‘The
Great Collision’ which was quickly followed by his vines being regular crowd
favourites on the Muslim Vines page, and more recently, the much acclaimed ‘Dead
Hearts’, which some say should have gone straight to DVD. Speaking at the
premiere of ‘Head Darts’ last night, one of the best directors of our
generation, Steven Spielberg, was asked about the parallels between his movie
and ‘Dead Hearts’. He insisted that they were “sufficiently dissimilar” and even
alluded to the two directors conceivably joining forces in the near future. “Maybe,”
he was quoted as saying before turning around and ‘accidentally’ elbowing our
reporter in the temple.
Most of his followers seem to be sticking
by the devout, bearded Muslim through these testing times with some going as
far as to say that he has changed for the better. But is this newly found fame
the beginning of the end for this household favourite or simply a small hiccup,
an inevitable hurdle in one’s rise to global stardom? Islam Channel officials
have dismissed that any action would be taken against Mr Ali after his recent
interview outbursts but that they would “value the honesty rather than blatant
denial.” The ball still seems to be firmly in Ali’s court but with his
increasingly defiant ‘collisions’ and reporters lining every rehab centre this
side of the Atlantic, the question on everybody’s lips remains, what happens
next to Faraz Ali?
[To leave a comment, you need to realise
that the above is a satirical piece, a parody of recent events and (nearly) entirely
fictional. If not, then please look in the mirror and slap yourself in
acknowledgement that you are in fact an idiot; nevertheless, do feel free to
comment for the sake of our entertainment and to provide the writer with yet more material
to write about.]
Above: Mr Ali in his most recent
'Muslim Bae' tweet. The drugs talking?
